The best right-handed pitcher in baseball over the last 50 years is making his first comeback start tonight for the Legends, the Houston Astros' Class-A farm team. Clemens -- you can call him Rocket -- wanted to leave the Legends' players with more than memories of a clubhouse overrun with ESPN cameras. Spreading the wealthOn Sunday afternoon Clemens went on a $7,000 shopping spree. When he was finished, it looked as if the Legends' clubhouse had been hit by a Rocket. See that 42-inch plasma television, the one that retails for $2,069.99? The Rocket visited a local electronics store and said he'd buy it -- if they could have it installed by 8 p.m. The store dispatched three guys to the clubhouse to get it done. While you're at it, bring along another 20-inch TV, equipped with a DVD player and VCR. Don't forget the microwave. Or another DVD player. The carpet was cleaned, the showers scrubbed. Even the furniture was rearranged. The old L-shaped, tobacco-stained couch was replaced by a pair of jumbo, plush black leather couches and two oversized leather chairs. The new furniture was arranged theater style so the players could enjoy the stack of DVDs Clemens purchased. He autographed the Bernie Mac movie on top of the stack: "Mr. 3,000, starring Roger Clemens. Time for another comeback!" "I just wanted to have some fun with it," said Clemens, 43. "I wanted the guys to figure out I'm not going to bite."
On Sunday afternoon Clemens went on a $7,000 shopping spree. When he was finished, it looked as if the Legends' clubhouse had been hit by a Rocket.
See that 42-inch plasma television, the one that retails for $2,069.99? The Rocket visited a local electronics store and said he'd buy it -- if they could have it installed by 8 p.m. The store dispatched three guys to the clubhouse to get it done.
While you're at it, bring along another 20-inch TV, equipped with a DVD player and VCR. Don't forget the microwave. Or another DVD player.
The carpet was cleaned, the showers scrubbed. Even the furniture was rearranged. The old L-shaped, tobacco-stained couch was replaced by a pair of jumbo, plush black leather couches and two oversized leather chairs. The new furniture was arranged theater style so the players could enjoy the stack of DVDs Clemens purchased. He autographed the Bernie Mac movie on top of the stack:
"Mr. 3,000, starring Roger Clemens. Time for another comeback!"
"I just wanted to have some fun with it," said Clemens, 43. "I wanted the guys to figure out I'm not going to bite."
What about the wiper fluid?! If Clemens provided any highlights in his "One-Night-Only!" stop in Lexington, it was that his strikeouts in the 3rd inning that earned all fans in attendance free wiper fluid, as part of a regular Legends promotion. Clemens didn't even KNOW about it until his son, Koby, alerted him to it at the top of the 3rd. Frankly, if Clemens threw the Ks simply motivated by the wiper-fluid giveaway (and because he COULD), I respect him now more than ever. It's not exactly calling a home-run shot, but it was, by far, the most entertaining detail of the night: What a classic "You Know You're a Redneck Minor-League Baseball Fan" moment. Free wiper fluid might not top the Legends' "Mullett Night" from May or "Baby Shower Night" in July, but I'm pretty sure fans weren't cheering the giveaway anyway. (Although you have to ask if there's enough fluid to go around: The listed capacity of the Legends' stadium is 6,017; last night, they announced 9,222. If nothing else, local drivers will sport sparkly windshields.)
Thanks to Clemens' careful scripting of his comeback from semi-retirement, Lexington lucked into the biggest event in the Class A franchise's five-year history. Much the way Drennen lucked into a hanging split-fingered fastball that allowed No. 22 for the Lake County Captains to take No. 22 for the Cooperstown Immortals deep. "I was thinking that he had a great number, so I'd hang him a split," Clemens joked after step one in his comeback attempt to amaze America once more. "I hung it to him, and he did what you're supposed to do with it. ... I'll ask him how he liked the room service."
Thanks to Clemens' careful scripting of his comeback from semi-retirement, Lexington lucked into the biggest event in the Class A franchise's five-year history. Much the way Drennen lucked into a hanging split-fingered fastball that allowed No. 22 for the Lake County Captains to take No. 22 for the Cooperstown Immortals deep.
"I was thinking that he had a great number, so I'd hang him a split," Clemens joked after step one in his comeback attempt to amaze America once more. "I hung it to him, and he did what you're supposed to do with it. ... I'll ask him how he liked the room service."