GodsendJen

The beauty of being a never at home kind of girl is that I often miss out on the real drudge that is prime-time television.  But on this very rare Monday night at home I discovered what has to be one of the most painful side-effects of the writer's strike--a reality show called My Dad's Better than Your Dad.  Here is the premise...heartwarming children and thier proud papas work as a team to defeat each other in feets of strength, skill and agility.  This disaster of a show offers viewers several inspiring reasons to watch.

• The earth shattering look of disapointment on a pre-teen's face when they realize dad made a collosal error in judgement in front of all their friends back home.
• The look of pained restraint when dad is trying very very very hard not to yell at their kid for not being the best kid performer.
  
• Proof that stereo-types are right.  The cross-cultural competitors worked hard to verify all the stereotypes.  The Asian team wins the smarts portion.  The oversized guy wins the stregnth portion.  The rocker/skaterboarder combo looks good but doesn't excell at much of anything.
• Evidence that when it comes to quality programming NBC spares no expense.  They went all out and bought 4 flat-pack desks from the discount mart, 3 kettle-style grills and navy collarless button up shirt straight from the racks at Goodwill to make sure the host is never ever confused with Jeff Probst.
• A couple of windows, a frying pan, a tennis racket and 2 hockey masks to protect the dads from nerf missles.
  

On a serious note there is something precious about watching the kids berate their dads in their role as sideline "coach." I'm sure you can find clips of this disaster online, but do yourself a favor and just watch an old episode of the Andy Griffith show instead. Opie's "Aw, paw...do I have to" comes much closer to reality than "That's ok dad, you're still the greatest."

It is no secret that I'm a Yahoo Music junkie. Some of my favorite artists I've happened upon by clicking on the "Explore Similar..." links.  Groups like Cross Canadian Ragweed and singers like Paolo Nutni and Adam Hood.  But sometimes these recommendations just don't add up. I was feeling rather spirited and nostalgic today so I pulled up the soundtrack for "A Charlie Brown Christmas." Does anything say childhood Christmas the same way Vince Guaraldi's soundtrack does? (Ok, it was my second choice. Yahoo didn't have Alvin and the Chimpmunks.) But check out the "Similiar Albums" listed with this soundtrack.  Yes, I like The Arcade Fire..but how anyone gets from Gauraldi to Neon Bible is beyond me.

It's always fun when pop-culture recylces itself.  I grew up watching The Karate Kid over and over on video tape.  An upbeat soundtrack, classic good vs. evil storyline and cute boys...what more could a pre-teen girl want? Skinny little Daniel was a great hero, but we all secretly wanted bad-boy Johnny with his perfect hair and glistening muscels.  My how times change.  The Phat Phree dug up a video from the group No More Kings called Sweep the Leg Johnny. Mr. Belding has stepped into Mr. Miyagi's tiny shoes but Cobra Kais all showed up to play themselves.  You can see for yourself that Johnny and the boys were much hotter in highschool.  On the other hand, Kreese and Daniel haven't changed that much.

At work I usually refocus by taking a few minutes to read random internet writings to clear my mind.  Often I read about sports, but occasionally I end up reading the chronicles of expats who are living overseas.  I find their stories of adjusting to life in a different culture fascinating, especially the stories from people who find themselves living in Asian cultures.  The small details are fascinating.  The Wall Street Journal chronicles these frustrations in a column called The Expat Life, but some of the best stories are chonicled on blogs.

One of these is Captain Japan's Sake-Drenched Postcards. The captain provided a seven-part series on Japanese Hostess Clubs. It is a fascinating concept--men paying for the pleasure of a conversation with women.  For many women this sounds like one of the only routes to finacial independance they have, "It is no secret that the allure of becoming a hostess usually comes down to one thing: money. The chase for brand-name goods and the chance for an affair with a successful corporate executive provides all the motivation necessary for a girl to take up work in one of Tokyo's thousands of hostess clubs."

This comes to us from geek blogger Phil over at Haacked.  It's a father's day advertisement from condom-maker Durex.

Online dating caries with it implicit risks. You never know when that anonymous Mr. Right is a personal stalker waiting to happen.  The trunk of his sports car might be filled with guns, knives, rocks or worse--computer equipment.  But the biggest risk is the one you probably don't give a second thought to...that a coworker with PhotoShop might happen upon your profile.  Then just imagine the fun they might have with all those photos of you enjoying yourself in the great outdoors.  If you are a shirtless male with a porn star caliber mustache...well hot dawg we're in business.

If it turns out this is my last post...well it just indicates that my coworker Bruce, the former Marine pictured here, doesn't share our sense of humor.  If that is the case I only hope our government trained him in the art of the quick and painless death.

I spent some time on hold with the good folks at Emory University Hospital today. While I'm waiting to talk with Nuclear Medicine about my treatment options I am subjected to a number of adds.  Do I suffer from uterine fibroids?  Am I a 40 year old male in need of a prostrate screening?  Fine, good, whatever... I'd rather not listen to this prattle but I can at least tune it out.  Then comes another add....Are you a woman between the ages of 21 and 34? (As a matter of fact I am.) And just what are the good folks at Emory suggesting to me based on that?  Well they think it would be swell if I'd sell my eggs to infertile couples at their baby making center.  They would even pay me up to $6000 for my effort.

I don't know what is scarier.  That they would subject someone to an advertisement seeking their eggs....or that they would suggest someone on hold discussing radioactive treatment options should be the donor.  No couple in their right mind would want my eggs...and I'd run screaming if I new they were being solicited this way.

In my experience the bathroom is a place where the unexpected is not welcome.  I remember back in the 80s when my family first encountered automatically flushing toilets in Cherry Creek Mall during a trip to Denver.  My mother and grandmother found it disturbing.  I thought it was funny to wave my hand and try to make the toilets flush. A new experiment to curb Drunk Driving in New Mexico will take this to a whole new level.

Imagine for a moment you've enjoyed several adult beverages while out watching a game with some friends.  The game ends and the joint is clearing out.  The laws of nature dictate you make one last drunken trip to the restroom before heading home.  You do whatever it is men do when approaching the urinal and then, when you are ready to "take care of business," you hear a voice asking if you really should be driving.  You look around and see no one, but the voice continues. It is then that you realize how truely drunk you are.  You think the urinal is speaking to you.  Little do you know that New Mexico spent over $10,000 so that urinal can talk you out of driving home drunk.  This might actually work.  After all, if you think the porcelain is speaking to you then someone must of slipped something nasty in your drink, right?

There is one fatal flaw in this plan.  The urinal cake speaks to you in a flirty women's voice and says "Hey, big guy. Having a few drinks? Think you had one too many? Then it's time to call a cab or call a sober friend for a ride home. Remember, your future is in your hand."  Drunk men are usually ready to hook up and susceptible to flattery.  A flirty woman just called him and his goods "Big guy" and told him his future is in his [probably not empty] hand. 

All I can say is New Mexico should prepare for a baby boom in 9 months.

MSNBCs take on the cake.

Some of the great Center Ice entertainment comes from the commercials you can watch during the game.  Typically this means seeing the Sidney Crosby Timbits commercial for the 10,245,123rd time.  Tonight it meant watching commercials targeted at residents of the Columbus Ohio area.  I grew up on a farm and always considered myself a farm girl...but after watching this commercial I'm rechristening myself as a born-again ubanite.

Everybody loves panda's.  Cute and cuddly little tree eaters that are notoriously hard to breed in captivity. Researchers have hit upon another tool in this battle on breeding--Panda Porn.  The theory posits that male Panda's who have lived their lives in captivity just don't know how to do it.  Showing them video, especially video filled with sounds of Panda's doing the deed, heps increase the likelihood of a natural mating.

Porn Sparks Panda Baby Boom

One of the wonderful things about the internet is that you can easily proliferate stupid ideas.  This one is dumb, but at least fun.  Its Talk Like A Pirate Day.  In the spirit of this I took a quiz to determine my pirate name.  The result: Bloody Jenny Bonney.  For me the pirates life is about the fighting.  I'm unpredictable but that's ok because a "pirate's life is far from full of certainties."  Get your own at Pirate Quiz. Once you have a name you watch this video to learn how to talk like a pirate and then you can hit the local watering hole and try out these Pirate Pickup Lines.

Turns out this is just a week for gadget finds that scare me.  Today's find is compliments of WSJ Technology Guru Walt Mosberg.  In today's journal Walt reviews a new toilet seat that warms, washes and dries the user. Walt says it best:

The Swash 800 doesn't have every bell and whistle of the top-of-the-line Toto models. For instance, it doesn't automatically raise and lower the toilet seat. But, like its rivals, it has three main features. The first are retractable, automated wands that spray water to cleanse the relevant body areas. The second is a warm air blower that dries those same spots. The third is a heated seat.

You don't have to buy a whole new toilet to use the Swash 800. It installs in place of your current toilet seat and hooks up to the existing plumbing valve that's behind your toilet.

Hrm...but how does it it do its thing?

A wireless remote control panel that runs on two AAA batteries controls the Swash's actions, and this remote can be mounted on a wall if you choose. Ten buttons and a display cover the front of this remote. The two wands are controlled by buttons on the remote grouped according to the gender of the user. There's a single "For Him" button that says "Back" and two "For Her" buttons labeled "Back" and "Front." These buttons are accompanied by icons showing anatomically vague stick figures.

For example, push the "For Her" front button and a pink wand releases a gentle spray. Each wand is rinsed before you use it, and after you arise from the seat, whether or not you used it.

Using the remote, you can adjust the force and temperature of the water, and the temperature of the heated seat. You must manually decide when to stop the water or air.

We found that the heated seat, which can be set to automatically turn off or on at certain times of the day, was a great feature. And the warm water -- once we got the temperature right -- was also a luxurious twist on the normal bathroom experience.

But, while the water was nice, the dryer was awful. It works only at one temperature and speed, and it didn't do the trick for us.

My verdict?  I don't anticipate trying one out any time soon....its just too weird. For what its worth these toilet seats are very popular in Japan--so maybe I'll try one on vacation someday.

WSJ Story

Brondell (The Toilet Seat Company)

The Wall Street Journal ran a fascinating article today covering new trends in Wedding Photography.  Don't ask why I read it, we all know I'm not getting married any time soon.  But what I found fascinating was the new trend for the sultry and risqué.

A choice snippet from the article:

The multibillion-dollar wedding industry is offering a revealing new twist on the old bridal portrait. Catering to older and more independent brides -- and reflecting popular culture's turn toward the risqué and voyeuristic -- more photographers are setting up in dressing rooms to immortalize unguarded, preceremony moments. Wedding albums and public photographer Web sites alike are filling up with a different view of the bride -- daddy's little girl cavorting in lingerie, adjusting a bra or hiking her gown for a bathroom break.[Emphasis mine.]

Established wedding photographers say they're taking racy photos at events of all price levels. At a $250,000 affair at the Chicago Four Seasons, photographer Steven Gross -- he charges $10,000 and up a day -- took nearly 8,000 shots, but one that made it into the bride's wedding album was a close-up of her waist and prominent cleavage. Southern California photographer Brian Kramer's portfolio includes black-and-white photos of darling children, classic portraits -- plus an underwear-clad bride chatting on her cellphone in a suite at the Beverly Hills Hotel. Chris and Mary Jo Prinos of Lancaster, Mass., whose packages start at $3,000, recently captured a bride discussing last-minute details with her officiant while wearing a camisole, sheer boy shorts and a garter belt. (It's not just women: Grooms, too, are caught brushing their teeth or having their necks shaved.)

The article goes on to point out that a lot of older brides (and we know I'll be one of those someday ;)) want to show off the results of the pre-wedding bootcamps and such.  I'm not a prude and I kinda like this idea.  Lord knows that if I ever look good running around in lingerie I might want it documented--in my version of the wedding book, not the one I pass around to the in-laws!

What I can tell you I'll never ask for....a shot of me during a bathroom break.  Some moments are still best kept private.

Full article (subscription required) http://tinyurl.com/g8cvb.

Remember trying to figure out how to color people skin when you were a kid?  Peach, pink, white, appricot, various tans? Crayola just made it easier with MultiCultural Markers.  Chalk one up to progress.

A coworker made some Jasmine necklaces for the office.  Its real beauty is lost in this photo.  Each flower had been picked and threaded onto some standard sewing thread.  Needless to say the  sweet scent of Jasmine has taken over our section of the office. It almost makes you wonder if she is trying to let us know she things someone stinks ;)

Whomever said When it Rains it Pours really should have won a pulitzer for the statement.  I've been very proud of Lucy's progress in the housebreaking department.  No messes in the house for a week (and only one oops in the last 2 weeks). But now, to top off a really horid week as weeks go, Lucy has decided to eat one of my favorite sandles.  Anyone who knows me know that I break out the sandles as soon as warm weather arrives and live in them until fall.  My favorite work sandles, the cute black flat slip-ons I bought when visiting Atlanta July 4th weekend of 2004, are now ruined.  My spunky little puppy ate right through one of them....boom...

A 300-page indictment detailing more than 1,000 allegations of election fraud was returned in February by a grand jury investigating the coal-mining town of Appalachia, Va., following reports of absentee-ballot bribery by two town officials. Prosecutors accused candidates' operatives of offering the locals such goodies as beer, moonshine and cigarettes and, in one case, a supply of pork rinds. [Roanoke Times, 3-3-06]

Who knew buying votes was so inexpensive?  I'm not from the town of Appalachia, they are a bit northwest of my village, but saddly it could probably happen in many rural appalachain communities.  When dad first got into local politics the thing that surprised me most was the number of people (neighbors, friends, business associates) who told us they registered just to vote for him.  These weren't young people new to voting, these were middle-aged men and women who had reached their 40s without ever visiting the polling place.  Would a pack of cigarettes and a bag of pork rinds have been enough for them to register and vote for someone else?  As far as I know we never tried bribing anyone to register or vote.  The guy who inspected our migrant worker housing each spring?  I don't know that he was bribed, but he never left without a fresh supply of homebrew and we never had any violations. Wonder if he would have been as happy with the junk food?

Monday night I turned on my TV and was sad to see that TiVo was recording the last episode of Monster House.  I had no idea they were taking the show off the air.  Its been a staple of my TiVo wishlist for a few years now.  The first episode I ever saw was Episode 13: Fright House that included a metalic monkey jungle, lots of complex doorways, and a sacraficial BBQ pit.  I was hooked.  There weren't a lot of houses I'd want to live in, but I got lots of great ideas and the predominace of set builders as crew gave some really interesting insight into how crazy things get built.  The entire concept of taking a subject that is traditionally geared toward women (Home Remodeling and Decoration) and spinning it into a show for a broader audience (like Trading Spaces meets Home Improvements meets the Man Show) was just a hit for me and it provided a topic of converstation with the wide array of "Men's Men" that I've worked with over the years.

Maybe some other network with a broader scope will pick it up and extend its life beyond 60 episodes.

I'm taking the lazy girl's approach to this blog and going with some canned open source software.  The upside is that its all written in C#/.net so if inspiration ever strikes and can customize myself silly. The downside is this blog comes with some very limited style options. So if you can't quite stand the colors feel free to send me suggetions.  I might change it to some happy VA Tech colors in the fall, but for the moment I'm content to let it be.

The suggestion box is open.

I've owned my domain for a few years, even had some web space, but never bothered with a blog.  Why now?  I'm chalking it up to a combination of boredom at work and just being guilted into by geek friends who can't believe I'm so slow to the game.  We'll see how long I keep it current and if anyone ever finds it.